Thank you dear friends for visiting me and writing to me to share my grief.
There is so much i wish to share with all of you. How my children handled
the departure of their dearest grandfather( he had been baby-sitting them in
the evenings for the last 2 weeks of his life).
The feeling that this was all just a dream......
Probably it would have been different if he had been sick.
Probably it would have been different if he was really old.....
He was 55 ( just retired 2 months ago) and full of life.
He had lost weight, looked relaxed without the stress of work and
He was enjoying the times spent with my daughters. Which he would not have
had the oppurtunity to do if he was still working.
He had just done his umrah last Ramadahan and his Hajj earlier this year.
May Allah bless his soul. May Allah have mercy on him.
Semoga hajinya haji mabrur.....
What i realised throughout all this is that i have no regrets. The last 2
weeks of his life was filled with togetherness. We spent a lot of time on
being family. I still remember him giving a hug & a kiss the night before he
died. He was helping me with a working paper for a Munawwarah project. He
died peacefully, he looked exactly like he was asleep.
I believe that we should all appreciate the people around us. Love and
cherish. Of course we argue and have our misunderstandings...but we should
hasten to forgive and make things right. If you feel a burst of emotion,
show it and say it. Kadang-kadang ianya alamat yang ajal seseorang itu akan
tiba.It's just that we don't realise it.
Because if you don't, you may regret it...it may be too late.
Allah akan mengambil nyawa setiap insan - it will happen to you, your
spouse, your parents, your child......we should all be prepared.....it does
not happen in chronological order.
Yang pergi tidak akan kembali. Tinggallah kami untuk meneruskan kehidupan di
alam ini. Doakan kekeutan kami. Doakan kesejahteraannya. Dan ambil iktibar
bahawa kematian boleh berlaku anytime any place any age. Just prepare
Dear sisters....seems to me i have missed out on a lot of juicy (?!)
discussions. What with all the new issues at hand.....
Life has taken a new pace for me. Having to handle the trauma of losing my
dad and also having to be strong for my mother and my kids.
And life goes on.....
Exactly one month after my dad returned to rahmatullah, the WTC was
destroyed.....yet another domino piece falling in succession.
I remember feeling distraught when the riots were taking place in
KL...worrying how on earth my kids would survive a May 13 like curfew or
worse still a war.
Do you think our children are ready? Do you think we are ready?
Do we have the strength to face famine? To hide under ground? To live in
fear of rape and murder by 'crusaders'????
My mother was at the border of Afghanistan..at the Peshawar refugee
camps...about 7 years ago. The people live in mud houses. When it rains the
houses disintegrate and they rebuild after the rain stops....Can we do that?
Our children who fuss about skin on apples and no Mc Donald's Happy
meals....The same kids who insist on having 2 bantal peluks and wearing
We had Bosnian refugees living in our house..with tales of witnessing their
husbands blown to pieces in front of their eyes.
I once read a book about the wars in Europe. where they were forced to eat
horse meat and hide in the basement. Where the only source of water was 2
miles away. And was later polluted by dead bodies. Where the toilet was a
tin can in a corner. An dthe sewers were flooding into the basements....
And here we are...who fuss about hygiene and 3 square meals a day. Our
generation have not seen the like of the Japanese invasion. Nor the cloud of
13 May. They are all something distant.
And now..we see Malaysia on the list of US's terrorist gang.
I worry about in the event of war, how to explain to my kids they can't go
to the playground. That life has changed. Can they hack it????? Can we????
But sisters...it is faith and taqwa which will save us all. Educate the
children and ourselves on redha ( not as easy as it looks...) and
compassion. To accept whatever is before you.
Ameera keeps asking me why toki had to die. And insists that if she puts
flowers on the grave toki will be happy and will bangun. How do you tell a 3
year old that life's little pleasures are no longer ours to share?
I am being so morbid. But i think we should see all this in the perspective
that a war is not so far fetched. Nobody imagined that someone would ever
dream of placing 2 planes in a skyscraper.
To remind everyone..including myself ..it's a good time to read up on the
seerah and to read Surah Ahzab...about the perang khandak.
If this is the sign of akhir zaman..of the great wars....semoga Allah
lindungi kami and golongkan kami dalam mereka yang terselamat. Banyakkan
baca surah Kahfi to lindung us from the dajjal. And of course....solat hajat
to tolak bala from menimpa our families.
Sisters dear......i see death from a new light as someone so close left me
so suddenly with no sign.
YOu can die drinking a cup of coffee in your office becoz some crazy guy
wants to prove a point by sticking a plane's nose in your window. Or you can
escape the plane but die washed by lighted plane fuel rushing down the
Or you could die lying on your bed.........wallahualam.....